Fight!

My first fight was in elementary school. Like most school fights, I have no idea what we were fighting about. I don't even remember the other kids name. It was probably something tragically insignificant. We most likely started to fight only after being goaded on by our classmates. I remember taking off my shirt. It was a particularly nice shirt and I didn't want it to get dirty. The noise increased, the crowd gathered, and we went at each other.

Funny thing is, I don't believe either one of us actually landed a punch. We just tussled around until someone told a teacher. No one "won." The worse thing actually happened after the fight when I went to retrieve my shirt and found out it had been stolen.

Now, my dad didn't hear about the schoolyard fight and decide to teach me how to fight. As far as I know, he didn't find out at all. And while I knew he was quite capable of hand to hand combat (my dad is a Marine) I never asked him to teach me how fight and he never offered. And I mean never. My dad didn't teach me how to form a fist or how to hit or follow through with a punch. We didn't even play wrestle. But he did teach me to fight.

Knowing how to do something and knowing to do something are two different things.

I learned from my schoolyard experience that some fights are not worth the time or energy. I also learned that you might not win and end up with less than what you started with (i.e. my nice shirt). I learned from my father that some fights are worth the time and energy and pain and frustration and annoyance and tension and everything else that comes with them.  The difference is the kind of fight. A schoolyard fight is almost never worth it. But fighting for your marriage or your family or your integrity - always worth it.

One example: My parents celebrate 34 years of marriage today. That is remarkable for several reasons, the primary reason being that marriage is hard. To make it worse, he didn't have a father to show him how to be and stay married. His dad was not in his life. He could have used the absence of his father as an excuse to leave his wife and his children. He didn't. He could have used the fact that he had five children all under 7 years of age as an excuse to leave. He didn't. He could have given up when he faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles in raising his family and loving his wife. He didn't. Things became difficult. If you ask him, he might even say they still are. He could have found any excuse he wanted. He didn't. We don't hear about longevity like that in marriage often. I am thankful for their example.

I mentioned that my father didn't have his dad as an example to teach him how. But, again, knowing how to do something and knowing to do something are two different things. My father taught me that. He may not have known how to lead and raise a family, but he was determined to do it. His determination was enough to get him started and he learned the rest along the way.

His is only one of hundreds of examples of understanding following action. The two clear takeaways from his example, though, are 1) determine what is important and what is at stake and 2) Fight for it!